4 Steps to a Mindful Meditation (When You Can’t Stop Thinking)

You’re busy. I’m busy. Everyone’s busy. You know what else is busy? Your mind. It’s always bustling about here and there. It has places to go, people to see, and…well…who knows what else?

Here’s the thing: It’s almost impossible to stop the mind. Like a toddler bent on tearing around a store when you just need to grab something and go, the mind has a will all its own. But consider this: What if the point of your meditation and mindfulness practice wasn’t necessarily to stop the mind from playing, but just notice the mind at play. I know what you’ve seen in movies and TV. I’ve seen it, too: A guru sits in serene peace. Trees grow around him. Flowers bloom and bend to the will of the spirituality of that space. A picture of a person being transported to a mystical nirvana. A sense of “ahhhhh…”

That’s great. I love that! But if you have one (or two!) of those toddlers we just mentioned, well…yeah…

So here it is: A simple 4-step technique. If you’re looking for a little more relaxation, block out 5 minutes (or 1) and try this:

1. Sit
2. Relax
3. Focus on breath
4. Re-focus on breath until the end of the session – and preferably until the end of your days on this earth

Pay close attention to step 4 there. Don’t miss that. “Re-focus.” Notice it doesn’t say “banish thoughts from your mind.” No. It just says, “Re-focus.” Unstated step 3.5 is: “Get distracted.” When you sit to meditate – and you focus on something such as breath (or, if you’d like: a mantra, sound, or the dark behind your eyelids…I use “breath”) – thoughts will come. They’ll dance. They’ll play. They’ll order pizza and sit on your couch and watch your TV and put their dirty feet up on your ottoman.

Just watch them, witness them, observe them as you re-focus your attention on breath. Again and again.

When you take a toddler to the grocery store, you have to build in an extra few (thousand) minutes. It’s just part of the reality of picking up a loaf of bread and a jar of pickles. You accommodate your child because it’s your child!

In the same way, give up the notion that thoughts will dissipate when you meditate. They’re yours (just like your children). They don’t make meditation “easy,” but they don’t have to. They just make it “necessary.” Thoughts are part of the reality of sitting down to meditate.

Mindfulness, meditation, and the like aren’t about getting away from thoughts. They’re about being present with them. Still with them. And still, with them. Follow those 4 steps over and over and over and someday you – like me – will…well…still be struggling with thoughts. But at least you’ll be aware of the struggle.

In all seriousness, though, something does happen. Try it. And let me know how it works.